Church Bulletins

Discussion in 'FUN and Sharing Forum for Non-Creator stuff' started by KD-did, Mar 12, 2007.

  1. KD-did

    KD-did

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    They're back! Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services.





    The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.



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    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."



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    Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.



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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.



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    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.



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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.



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    Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.



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    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.



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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.



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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.



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    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."



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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.



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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow



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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.



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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.



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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.



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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.



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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.



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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.



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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.



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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.



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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.



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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.



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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.



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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
     
  2. Randy...

    Randy... Guest

    My favorite.

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

    Funny stuff. Thanks for sharing.
     

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